Well lets just say that after weeks of nightly contractions that this night I was *hopeful* that this nights bout would turn into the real thing. The night before I had been up til 3AM contracting. The next morning I had some cramping and then became very hopeful when I passed the tiniest bit of bloody fluid. But as usual,
the contractions again quit for the duration of the day. I tried going for the long power walk,
even tried a spoon of castor oil in the afternoon to get things going again,
but it didnt seem that my body would cooperate.
Then towards evening,
along w/ my regular nightly cramps came another infantisimal amount of blood. I was hopeful that even if I didnt go that Friday night that at least we would have a babe sometime during the weekend.
It wasnt until around 10:00 immediately after I nursed Willow that one last time for the night the contractions seemed to pick up suddenly in fervor.
I went to sit on the birthing ball in front of the computer to send daughter Lacy and my email buddies a progress report on what was happening . Within 10 mins of sitting there I was having STRONG contractions 3-5 mins apart! It was so crazy. Mike walks in the room after a looong hard day. He had been up since 5am and was coming in to sit in front of the tv and doze off a bit in front of the news. He decided quickly he had best change his mindset on that plan when he came in to find me in sitting on the birthball breathing loudly through contractions that were so one on top of the other!
Willow suddenly decided that she didnt want to sit by Kailyn and watch cartoons and she started crabbing and wanting me. The last thing I could handle at that moment was nursing her. Her fussing was making me tense so I decided to retreat to the bath tub by 10:25. I assumed it would still be MANY hours til baby arrived,
but I just really needed to go somewhere and be alone. I always feel the need to retreat once active labor started. I figured I could get in and out of the bath tub through out the night,
not knowing that once I sat in there I wouldnt be getting out until I was holding my new baby.
I was so hopeful that as soon as I hopped in the hot water that I would feel instant relief. But it didnt happen. Although the contractions slowed down right away and stopped coming one on top of the other once I relaxed in the hot water in the dark room I was still taken aback by the intensity of them. i just could not find a comfortable position to sit in through the contractions and I found myself bracing myself and tensing right as the contractions were starting up. It didnt help that Willow was in the back ground crying out for me.
Mike popped in and asked what he could get for me,
I requested a candle so I wouldnt be sitting there in the black, and please call Joanna,
our new daughter in law, to come and help out. I really felt that I needed someone else here to help with Willow since my teens were still at camp this one last night,
and also I felt the need for a prayer warrior as this was so much stronger and hard to manage than I had aniticipated.I was not getting into the sensations of labor AT ALL at that moment.
Finally Mike got Willow to sleep(phew) and Joanna got here,
sometime right after 11 I believe.
I asked them to find a CD player and put on some quiet praise music for me. It was beautiful and really helped me thru the rest of the labor
At this point the contractions were still about 5 minutes, at least apart,
the same pattern they had been following since I sat in the tub, and pretty much the pattern they would follow up to the birth. Although they had a nice rest time, when they came upon me they were tremendous. They were so huge and the downward pressure was like nothing I had ever felt before in a labor. I still just could not find a comfortable position so I just sat up in the tub with a towel propped under my bottom to try and relieve some of the intense pressure during contractions.
I had tried to lay back against a couple rolled up towels against the small of my back for counter pressure for my back labor but it just was not hard enough. I asked Mike to get down and push on my back with all his strength, like he had done with all my other labors with each contraction. He was so strong and helpful and just always there. We worked as one the rest of the labor. I cant imagine him not being there.
As soon as Joanna arrived and she was right there in the bathroom with us I felt this overwhelming responsibility not to "lose it" . Although she is a new RN with her nursing license she had never even seen a birth in her training. She had seen bits and pieces of hospital labors but never the whole thing. I suddenly knew that it was up to me and my reactions to this birth and the incredibly STRONG contractions that would very much mold her idea of natural birth. I guess , even though laboring,
suddenly I felt like I had this responsibility to mentor her,
and I was soooooo afraid I couldnt handle it. I had plenty of time to sort things out and focus and think between contractions as they continued to stay far apart. I just kept thinking and praying , "lord, if they are this strong now how will I possibly handle this if it goes on for hours and hours???"
It took every ounce of self control that I could find deep inside me to try and relax through. As soon as the contractions would hit I would yell for Mike
which meant that he was to push on my back
and I would just drop my head onto my chest, relax and let my mouth droop,
as I tried to remain silent and surrender to the contraction. The whole time in my head, and sometimes out loud I was repeating "Thank you Jesus, Thank you Jesus" through each.
I asked Mike to please start praying out loud over me during the contractions to help me get through them. With each one then Mike would pray me through while pushing on my back as Joanna stood next to the tub also praying out loud over me through every single sensation. Joannas presence was also so essential to this birth. She was a rock with her strong faith.
A couple contractions were getting away from me and I started barking like a seal through them. At least one or two I whimpered through. Immediately after a contraction I was not focused enough on and started becoming too vocal I would become determined to be totally silent through the next. I prayed continually that God would help me stay focused and droop my head as Mike held my forehead and that I would stay as controlled as possible.
The intense intense downward pressure on my bottom continued through out. I decided that this was from bulging waters pressing against my cervix. I knew I could easily reach up there and break it w/ my fingernail to relieve the pressure and hurry baby up,
but instead I focused on the fact that I needed to rejoice in the fact that my baby had this cushion and was being protected from the strong contractions. So I started praying and thanking Jesus for the bag of waters instead of cursing it.
The other thing that helped me through each contraction was to visualize a graph chart in my head. As each contraction started I could see a line going up, up as the contraction peaked and then I would start making the line go down down (even before the contraction peaked~ LOL) and told myself it was going away now. I had this little picture in my head through all those last contractions.
I still at this point had this huge fear inside my head that I was fighting that these contractions were not getting closer together! Why arent they getting closer??? What if this still goes on til morning??? Oh Lord,
I cant handle this!
Right then I had another monster contraction and I was trying to visualize the line on the graph to go down but the pain wouldnt go down! It just held on and I thought something was wrong,
then it started to go down a bit on my pain chart but it immediately shot back up to a peakagain with out ceasing. This contraction was just hanging on and hanging on and I am saying to Mike
"push harder, push harder!"
I felt my water breaking(!) and IMMEDIATELY that intense unbearable back and rectal pressure released! ahhhhhhhhhh, thank you Lord! thank you! it was such a wonderful relief.
Then IMMEDIATELY as the water broke my contractions changed where the pain left my cervix and was transferred to the top of my uterus.
I said under my breath and Mike caught it right away,
"oh good, I am here now"
I knew I was second stage and Mike knew right away what I meant when I said it.
I let the next two contractions go by, resisting any urge to push as I wanted to just make sure if there was a lip or anything that it had a chance to move to ful ldialation. But these next two contractions were just so much nicer and so much easier to just breathe through..
But by the third 2nd stage contraction I got this idea in my head that all I had to do was push this baby out and I would get that wonderful feeling of baby OUT. So next contraction,
that was it,
this babe was coming.
I decided just to lay back in the water and I say to Joanna,
"ok, this baby is coming now,
you need to pray specifically that I dont rip cuz this baby is coming NOW"
With that I did one huge push and pushed baby down ,
I call out to Mike "is the head crowning yet?
He says no.
So next contraction I push again and he yells "head crowning", as I yell through the burn he says "head out"
then I relax. Mike is already crying at this point and saying, "the head is out", kind of in a frantic way like I need to take care of that :))
between the contraction. I dont have a lot of relax time until I feel another contraction and another huge urge to get this out of me,
so then I push and it is burning and I keep pushing and Mike is crying "shoulders out" as I let out a yell and at that I feel that WONDERFUL GLORIOUS sensation of release as this little soul came out of my body!
oh RELIEF! nothing in all the earth is so splendid! and Mike yells out at that moment
"PRAISE THE LORD!! IT'S A MIRACLE!!!"
As he grabs our baby and directs him up onto my belly. Immediately Joanna throws a towel on baby. I *did* get a glimpse as to what sex we had,
but neither of them even had time to catch it. I am holding our little manchild up to sitting and making sure he is taking a breath and getting the mucus moving as they are both asking "what is it? boy or girl???" and I am just smiling and refusing to give out any info at all. Joanna and Mike are both trying to do a bit of nose mucus sucking with the bulb and we are nice and reassured of his breathing before Mike can finally get around to peaking under the towel and he proclaims
"its a boy!"
Oh what crying and prasing God and joyful exaulting proceeded into the night!
In hind sight I see what a beautiful holy moment the night of this birth was. Of all my 9 personal birthing experiences this one was most definately one of the holiest and most peaceful. Gods presence was sooo evident through the entire labor and delivery and all three of us present felt His loving arms around us.
When looking for the name for this special guy we knew that we needed a special name to reflect the praise of the moment.
Our son has been named
which means "praise the Lord" which are the words his blessed papa exclaimed as his son entered into this world,
on July 22, 2006
he is a miracle!
thank you, Jesus!